“Coffee is cold, but it’ll get you through, compromise, that’s nothing new to you.” Hello Monday, my dear sweet harbinger of get ya some. My internet connection is spotty at best and there’s an anvil sitting on my chest, a resting body wants to stay at rest, but I’m devoted to my quest, the never ending pursuit of what’s next? I’m off to outsmart homeostasis.
This summer, in honor of the Grand Cross Alignment, I decided to set aside the rules of who I’m supposed to be attracted to/who is supposed to be attracted to me. I sat back and shuffled through my past. Of all the people who have come and gone, friends, lovers, acquaintances, who left an impression? Who do I want? The only two criteria to take root: words and health. Please love words and please prioritize all three aspects of your health: mental, spiritual and physical. That was it, that was all I could honestly say I wanted. Everything else felt superfluous, vain, for show, ego indulging. I don’t want a complete opposite, I don’t want a carbon copy. I don’t want crazed chaotic co-dependency. I don’t want aloof, one foot out the door, come and chase me. I want a Venn diagram relationship. Each our own circle, but where we overlap has value; a shade richer than when we stand apart.
So then I meet a guy… ok, ok I meet a lot of guys, but this one…
One night at the end of July, I went to a poetry slam before going out to the city. I went alone to the slam because words matter. Because I can never feel alone in the company of those who love their words enough to slam them. Two men took the stage to hype their long term devotion to their spouses. Two different men took the stage to bare their scars of heartbreak. Guess who intrigued me?
His voice was low when he admitted his fears, and though his physique exclaimed a God-like prowess of sexuality, it was his humanity echoing through the words, that I was sure were mostly his, that shook me. As I left the slam I caught his eye and smiled. A smile that I hoped conveyed my appreciation. Peddle though. That’s what we’re all trying to do. When he smiled back, he looked into my face, he didn’t do the up and down sweep, maybe a little surprised at my attention. I kept walking, the way I always do, and for the first time in a long time I had the thought, “Wow, it would be cool if he followed me out to talk with me.”
For a full 48 hours I could not get his words, nor his smile, out of my mind. A lot went on in those hours, everything I love about my life. But still… by Sunday I found him on Facebook… and well, now, Lee tells me that my stories are better than his. That he’s going to get me caught up on the True Blood TV series. Says he’s going to seduce me into slamming. That I’m bringing something into his life that is both very much wanted and a little nerve wracking. It’s kinda amazing.
He compared me to a Martian because I was so cool on our first date. On our second, I could tell he was (maybe still?) waiting for me to turn out to be batshit crazy; which is totally cool, since I was (maybe still?) expecting the same. Our third was my favorite. It’s going to take him a minute to get accustomed to Oakland 😉 To me, he brings a sensuous comfort, he feels strong, he feels real. He feels honest in the way that those who transcribe the beat of their heart and the pulse of their brain into alliterated verse for the whole world to hear have to be.
So we’re both wordsmiths. He’s been in love with an Anthropologist once already and my life is littered with men who love being on stage. I’ve read his chapbook and I love that he shares more whenever he gets the chance. He’s already calling dibs on my off the cuff remarks for new pieces. He likes the sound of my voice, calls it a slow tornado. He reads my blogs, and loves my twitter stream, especially when he is in it. I’ve awarded him a certificate in Airialism and he has inducted me into the Lee Phi Lee fraternity (or would that be a sorority?) I’m starting grad school, and he’s a surprised homeowner. I have sons, he has daughters, we are both well lit by their love and laughter. It’s a curious combination of different and similar. Something close to, or maybe resembling, a Venn diagram?