Condom slips and fits.

Lucky Bloke | Ultimate TEXTURED Condom Sampler – 12 Medium/Standard sized ribbed & studded condoms; brands include Kimono, Beyond Seven, ONE, Billy Boy, Lifestyles, Durex, and TROJAN.

So, here’s a story only a sex educator will tell you. One night, I came back to a lover’s house after going out. It’s kinda late and we are drinking tea at his kitchen table, giggling and whispering as to not disturb his housemate, who we are pretty sure has company. Eventually, the bedroom door opens and they come into the kitchen flushed and glowy. It’s all breathless hello’s and goodbye’s then he walks her out to her car. He comes back into the kitchen with not exactly the expression you’d expect to see on the face of someone who probably just got laid. The man looked like he needed to talk something out.

Me being me, I ask, “Sooooooo, how are you?”

“Great, bad, I dunno,” he shakes his head like he really can’t decide.

My lover and I exchange looks and raised eyebrows. “Was it bad?”

“No, she’s great… really great…super hot. It’s just that… the condom fell off.”

Cue the dramatic music.


“I know.”


“I know… But we’ve both been recently tested, so that’s all good. She might be ovulating. And I’ll need to tell my other partners that this happened.”

“So Plan B is in your future?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna talk about that in the morning.”

Such a lovely person, this guy. I was relieved to here all the other bases were covered. Now time to do some impromptu sex ed.

“What kind of condom were you using and was it the right size?”

And then he proceeds to tell me he was using a condom with a bad reputation and then he didn’t really think condoms came in different sizes: “Don’t they just say that on the box to make men feel like they have bigger ones then they actually do? It’s just a gimmick, right?”

You know how super heroes have capes? Well, I have a purse. I open it up and start pulling out condoms and slapping them down on the table. I was in the midst of reviewing Lucky Bloke’s Textured Condom Sampler and it was time to share the wealth and the knowledge. We had already used all the TROJANS in the pack because that is the brand my lover prefers. However, we weren’t really into the warming/cooling sensations the ones in this sampler have. Not a deal breaker, just not our thing. But there were still several kinds to choose from.

“Airial, you’re so rad.”

“I try.” Though, really, who can ever get tired of hearing that particular compliment? I tell him that condoms do come in different sizes and he might need to buy not only a different brand with different shapes but also different sized condom.

Trying out new condoms is a lot of fun. And my lover said the cutest thing: “Yeah, when it comes to condoms, I’m not really interested in ‘classic fit’ you know? It’s 2013, I want cutting-edge, space-age technology condoms!”

His housemate agreed, “Yes, condoms made by rocket scientists!”

So the three of us are at the kitchen table sorting through the condom sampler. We split them between us and promised to report back later. Our favorites?

1. ONE | Tantric Pleasures

We really liked these texture designs. And using a condom called ‘Titan’ kinda made us feel space aged. The shape was a good fit for him; snug on the base, but plenty of headroom.  

2. Billy Boy | Beaded

Hella beads. H-E-L-L-A.

A condom sampler is a great way to go when you want to explore and see what’s out there. I’ve already mentioned the importance of a proper fitting condom. Lucky Bloke is a fantastic site because they will help you find the right fitting condom for you and condoms come to you! You can get condoms that are smaller than standard, larger than standard, ones with more headroom, ones that are pleasure shaped, or like the ones we sampled, textured. Plus if you spend $20, there is free shipping worldwide!!!



Condom slips and fits.