If you haven’t seen the Muppet Movie, you’ll miss the reference. But if you loved the Cee-Lo Green song as much as I did, you’ll get it without having had to see the movie.

I like being distracted just as much as I like being a distraction… and yeah, right now, there’s not much of that happening.

Have I mentioned how hard it is for me to focus on one project at a time? It is. Multi-tasking is my natural state. In fact, I think the word we used before the word multi-tasking was Gemini. But whatevs. I’m a mom, so really there’s never a time where I can only do one thing.

I’m going through some kind of change right now. Like a deep seat of your soul type shift. Feels like it’s gonna take through the winter to complete. The process of thesis writing, the having to focus on one thing, is a part of it. Is grad school supposed to facilitate this type of personal growth?

It’s funny, because whenever these emotional growth spurts occur, I always try to hold on to what I need to let go of, all the while welcoming the change. It’s confusing and silly and actually a lot of effort to do both things at once.

It feels different to be so focussed. I usually spread myself out. Like a light through a prism. Now, I’m feeling the reverse of that, more like a laser. My mind is set on laser mode. Ha! I’ve always been proud of being a Jill of all trades. But right now I’m in the process of actually mastering one thing. It’s weird. And I have to give myself permission to focus every fucking day. Seriously. Every. Fucking. Day.

I want to be everywhere and do everything and talk to everyone. I’ve done it. I’ve been that person for a while now. Not just a desire or fantasy. But I can’t. I’m not. And that for me is totally new. And it’s not exactly comfy. Still, growing isn’t supposed to be, right?