I dislike convention. I did not really, truly believe that we unconventional folks could create our own traditions. I am happy to have been wrong about that. I have cultivated  a Solstice tradition that I am extremely grateful for. It’s very simple, very loose, very non-choreagraphed: at the Solstice, both Winter and Summer, be at the beach. And let what happens, happen. Last year I spent the Summer Solstice with my father and my elder son, we took the Ferry’s around the Bay. My father and my son are very alike. I was aware of being a link, a conduit between these two people. The summer before that, the Solstice was the surprise first date of what turned out to be a very intense romantic relationship. This Summer Solstice, I had both sons with me and we went with a very good friend and her nephew. The Solstices have become demarcation points for me. It is important for me to show up. To make the commitment to be where I feel like I need to be. It’s funny, being someone who sees the world in opposing forces. I am always aware of both sides of the coin. I can’t really feel comfortable with anything unless I can grasp the extremities. The Solstices do that for me. Twice a year I get to be at the apex of either light or dark. I need both. Light is blinding and the dark is illuminating. The moment when the sun sets or the day breaks brings the epiphany. It’s hard not having a role model. It requires patience. I can’t charge into things. I can’t place my feet in the footholds some other person created. So I am making my own. Slowly.

It feels good to be at Ocean Beach. It feels peaceful and calm and still invigorating. I like that other people come out too. To be with people who are also paying attention. Some sing happy birthday to the Sun. Some play volleyball. Some meditate and do yoga. People gathered together at this very edge of the West.

I marvel at being a Californian sometimes. I think about the choices my families made in order for me to be here and how that affects who I am. It is because of their movement that I am free of convention, that I am able to create my own traditions. I am not bound to any practice or belief system. So it makes sense that in that void I would choose to follow the path of the sun as my tradition marker. The Spring is usually a messy time, so I welcome the summer as a time of stillness. Where I grew up it was very hot and dry in the summer. The kind of heat where you just want to stay still. You don’t want to breathe too deep because the air stings. Unless you’re in water, and even then, there is a kind of stillness. The sounds change, are muted in a way. I feel like the summer is when I arrive at my personal plateau. When my soul can lie still and just be. I take in my surroundings differently. I am not running towards or away from anything. I get to experience myself in this incarnation after 9 months of changing.