Sexy is as sexy does?

Let’s start with the overwhelmingly well received Slut-Shaming post I wrote for the Good Vibrations Mag. It’s been up for just over a week and at the moment, it’s at over 11,000 hits, over 3000 people have liked it on facebook, over 3000 have shared it. I think it might be the most popular blog post the magazine has ever had.

Did anyone else know there was such a hunger for a post like that? It’s been tweeted about, reblogged, commented on, translated into different languages, crossposted. It’s just a conversation between me and my kid. Reading all of the positive feedback is amazing, and satisfying and a little surreal. I am grateful for my voice to be heard, to share my parenting perspective. I make this shit up as I go, folks. Arrogance and narcissism have their upsides too.

My surreal moments are becoming the most real.

I went with my friend to the Pleasure Chest to help her buy her first non-bullet vibrator. It was the Lelo “Ina Purple”. You should have seen her face when we went over the settings, “That pulsating… ya that’s a great idea!” Yes, yes it is.

I met a women on the UCLA campus who just happened to have written her undergrad thesis on porn and romance. We had a fascinating talk as she guided me to the building I was looking for. We got in anal sex, consent, feminism and porn production ethics all in about 10 minutes.

The more I think about porn, the more I want to make it. Working with Shilo on the Sex Positive Photo Project has been so eye-opening for me. I got to interview Dossie Easton a few weeks ago, we’re working on scheduling a month’s worth of masturbation photos for May, and I’m going  to interview Kentucky Fried Woman in a couple days. Shilo has introduced me to the power of the female gaze. It’s intimate and intricate and hella fucking hot. Hot. I’m super grateful to be a part of her project. Hell, after last night, I’m super grateful the project even exists.

I got to tell a lil-mini-bawdy story last night as a favor to the D-L-T herself. Bawdy Storytelling was part of  the entertainment for an afterparty. The Commonwealth Club had the State of Sex and Dating in SF Inforum panel moderated by Violet Blue. I’ve been a fan of the Open Source Sextress for years and I was excited to see her live and in action. She was great. The questions were great. The panelists… not so much. It was bewildering. I forget that SF has a strong hetero/white/cis/vanilla population. The panelists were all white, all straight and all semi-affluent. The audience matched for the most part. Quick summation of the panel, none of them knew what Grinder was. Quick summation of the audience, “I want a partner, but keep settling for less. Is a baby by 35 too much to ask for?”

I almost lost my shit when a man got up to ask the panel a question and described himself as old enough to be the grandfather of the women who hit on him. But apparently women in SF aren’t loose enough for him. All talk and no sex. He said he got “lots of play, but the women of San Francisco don’t close the deal” he said it several times. You should have heard his tone of voice. You should have seen the look on my face. You should have both seen and heard Violet Blue’s tone and face. She really really tried. In fact, she had more info, or was at least willing to share more info, than the panelists.

When the Inforum ended I searched for Dixie and Mollena. Yesssss that Mollena. International MS. LEATHER MOLLENA. Perveted Negress Mollena. Never been so happy to see a freak like me Mollena. And the look on her face matched mine and before I told her my name I told her what I was feeling.

As for Dixie, she just had that look, of y’all need to come to Bawdy. All of you. Come to Bawdy, and I promise you will get laid. I wish Dixie made real money doing what she does. Real people, real sex, really San Francisco. Oh and Bawdy’s gonna be in the East Bay now tooooooo!

We go to the after party, my friend Christine from my cohort came out! Ran into another friend from Oakland, met a few people who remember me from the Bawdy events I’ve done. Mortified was there too. Great stories!  I told my story, Mollena told hers. Then I walked around downtown alone for a while. The weather was perfect for it. I had a slight buzz. Brain on overdrive. Why did that Inforum rub me the wrong way so deeply? I passed groups of geeks. Group after group of true geekier-than-thou GEEKS.

WonderCon and SexTech are happening right now. I’m registered for SexTech. Was invited to blog about it. But my kids just got back from being at their father’s for 9 days. The looks on their faces when I picked them up yesterday morning showed me point blank I can’t spend the last few days of our Spring Break away from them. Classes start up for me on Monday too. The whole month of April is gonna be crunch time. The shit or get off the pot month. Put up or shut up month… you get the idea. Maybe it’s a good thing my lover is going to be gone for most of April. Maybe.

But these are the decisions I have to make. Over and over again. Go to SexTech to network and blog and learn about how to better educate youth about the importance of their sexual health, or prioritize my own kids’ mental stability? I’m going to the beach tomorrow. Want living proof of the gender gap? It’s right here.

And maybe that is what bugged me so much about the panel. Rather than an Inforum, it felt like an Indicatum of who gets to talk about sex and sexuality, even in a city like San Francisco. Of whose voice is heard, whose sexual anxieties are acknowledged. Whose social reality is privileged. Who is invited to speak with a specialized authority, and who is invited to entertain with a bawdy story?

Sexy is as sexy does?
  • Barbara

    Congrats on all the love! That’s awesome. I’m off to engage in all the folks you’ve just introduced me to!